Five years - Eternal life and the eternal city

Ali in Rome, August 1993

As I reflect on the five years since Ali entered eternal life on 3 December 2013,  my thoughts also turn to the eternal city, Rome, that we visited together for the first time, 20 years earlier, in August 1993.

On that occasion we had the joy and privilege of meeting Pope John Paul II after the weekly general audience of 18 August 1993.  As much as four years earlier - before she was even a Catholic - I had the conviction that Ali would one day be canonised a saint, and Pope John Paul II was clearly a living saint.  Since then John Paul has, of course, been canonised,  and God willing, one of his successors will canonise Ali in due course...

With St John Paul II in August 1993

Ali spoke (in Auckland, NZ, in Octoberr 2009) of "feeling pretty much on the margins of the church -  but given that our Saviour was the most marginalised of all, I know I couldn’t be in better company."   For most of her time as a Catholic she felt marginalised within if not excluded by the Church, which caused acute suffering. But she recognised that, no matter the human shortcomings of those within the Church (amongst whom she included herself with her own faults) the Church was the repository of truth where we receive the gifts for eternal life.  Three days before she died, on Saturday 30 November 2013,  Ali testified to her total acceptance of the Catholic faith.  Did she, I ask, fully accept the teachings of the Catholic Church?  "Yes."   Were there any teachings she did not accept?  "No."

When I first knew Ali she wasn't a Catholic, and even when she died many people were under the misapprehension that it was my influence that led to her becoming a Catholic.  This is far from being the case.  Although raised a Catholic,  I had been drifting away and it was Ali who brought me back to an understanding and practice of the faith.  

I first learned and prayed the rosary in 1989 at the age of 23.  Looking back, I am quite shocked that I could have reached that age with only a vague awareness of what the rosary was, and that I had never prayed it.  It was the non-Catholic Ali who taught it to me, and with whom I first prayed it.  

When we met St John Paul II he told us to "pray together,"  and it was the rosary which, above all other prayers, we would pray together.  Ali's words to me on the "perfect rosary" (from the year before we met the Pope) are particularly apt today as our thoughts turn to that momentous day of five years ago:

"I think that when I can say a perfect rosary, then I can die.  Of course, every time I say it, I try to say it perfectly, but however hard I try my mind always wanders on at least one Ave Maria, or I forget to look at Mama [Our Lady] the whole time.  When I can say it perfectly I will have perfectly learned everything this world can teach, and I could be perfectly with Mama and Jesus then.

A perfect rosary would be perfect reparation for the offences my sins have caused Mama's Immaculate Heart and Jesus' Sacred Heart, and then after that I would like to die.  I think maybe that should be the goal of all who want to spend eternity with Jesus and Mama in Heaven." (4 Sept 1992)

It is ordinarily required for at least five years to have passed after someone's death before their cause for canonisation can be considered.  While Ali was known and loved by many, much of what was truly extraordinary about her was hidden and known only to me.  Now that five years have passed since Ali entered eternal life, I am somewhat daunted by the task ahead of me, to do justice to her in presenting her extraordinary life.  I would appreciate prayers to help me to fulfill what I must do. And, please God, it won't be too long before Ali's portrait is unfurled in the eternal city, in front of St Peter's Basilica, when she too is declared among the saints.

At the Trevi fountain

Ali in St Peter's Square

Keeping in touch

Ali - 25 years ago - in March 1993

Ali was very good at keeping in touch with friends, whether by postal mail, email or by phone. Typically, while resting for an hour or so from about 6pm after work, she would catch up with friends. By contrast, I'm terrible at keeping in touch with friends, and I apologize to many of Ali's friends (and mine) with whom I have been out of contact for far too long.  Some days, however, it is fitting to make contact, even if only through this blog, and even if not much is said. 

Ali's birthday

Ali's 39th birthday in 1994

The past couple of years recalled Ali's birthdays in India.  Most of her birthdays, however were spent at home, and Ali had the 'usual' birthday cake - which I made from the only recipe for cakes Ali knew.  It was a simple victoria sponge, which would either be plain (like the one above) or chocolate.  For several years we had a faulty oven which didn't close properly, so the sponges rose on one side and not the other.  By matching up the uneven sides the surface ended up being flat!

Today would have been Ali's 63rd birthday.

The fourth anniversary....

Ali in Montreal, Canada, Dec 2007

Throughout the year, I am conscious of various anniversaries occurring - 10 years since I did something with Ali or 25 years since we went somewhere, and so on.  Sometimes I thought of writing a post about the various anniversaries, but then decided to remember them privately. The fourth anniversary of Ali's death, however, requires a post.

On this day ten years ago, 3 December 2007,  Ali and I left Toronto, Canada, where she had spoken at an international symposium of the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition.  As we left Toronto it began to snow and conditions became treacherous as we drove to Ottawa, and then on to Montreal before heading back to Toronto and Niagara Falls.  

If I were to think hard I would recall that the trip had its share of difficulties for Ali.  Travelling was always difficult for her; she would have pain and nausea, and get tired easily. This trip was so cold too!  But it is hard to  remember those difficulties now.  All I can recall is the joy of being with Ali and the delight she would take in the people she met and the places she visited.  She delighted too in the foolhardiness of trying to get around cities built up with snow which were increasingly difficult for a wheelchair user to navigate.

There are many serious things to be written about Ali - but when I think of her it is the silly things and the joy that come to mind first.  Inevitably, recent weeks and days have brought to mind those momentous weeks and days of four years ago.   Ali died as she lived,  and it seems fitting to remember her life today and not only her death.  May her life continue to inspire others to live well and to seek the eternal truths and the eternal life that she sought.

Addressing the international symposium on euthanasia, Toronto Dec. 2007

With her good friend Brad Mattes of Life Issues Institute

Yes, that's a large Christmas tree!

Ottawa. Where did we park the car?

At Mary, Queen of the World Cathedral,  Montreal

An icy Niagara Falls

Ali with a friend.

Wimbledon 1992

Ali at Wmbledon on 22 June 1992, with her bear Julian.

On this day 25 years ago, 22 June 1992,  Ali and I were at Wimbledon to see the tennis.  Ali had already been to Wimbledon several times, but it was my first time.

One of Ali's bears, called Julian, spent 50 weeks of the year sitting quietly on top of a bookcase in Ali's bedroom.  However, during Wimbledon fortnight he was always to be found in the living room, sitting in front of the television, so that he could watch all the tennis (!)  I cannot recall how he developed such a love of the game, but it was natural that he came with us - in 1992 and in subsequent years -  when we went to Wimbledon.

On that first occasion, we had only a ground pass which enabled us to see matches on the outside courts.   When I discovered that Ali's favourite player, Boris Becker, was about to play on centre court, I somehow managed to talk our way onto that court to see him play.

Ali was pleased to have a ring-side seat to watch Boris....

Ali (back of head, on left) watching Boris Becker

Boris Becker on centre court

.....and also very happy to meet him afterwards:

Ali with Boris

Of course, when considering whether Julian or Boris should get top billing here, it was easily game, set and match to the bear!

Ali

Ali 25 years ago - 1992

Birthday remembrances

8 January 2002
Ali's birthday 15 years ago on which she was "well and truly garlanded!"

Today is the 62nd anniversary of Ali's birth.  When I think back on her birthdays I recall, above all, the birthdays she celebrated in India. We were there for two weeks each January between 2001 and 2006, visiting the projects for disabled children funded by the charity Ali had founded. Sometimes we were there just after her birthday and on those occasions we celebrated while we were there, but on a slightly later date.

On the back of the photo shown above Ali wrote the date and "Ali well and truly garlanded!"  If the truth be told she found all the attention given to her on her birthday a little excessive and embarrassing, but she knew that the children greatly enjoyed the festivities and so she was happy for their sake. There was a large 'function' in her honour on the night of her birthday, at which the children would perform songs, dances and plays that they had spent weeks and months rehearsing.  It was an evening of high spirits and enjoyment for them.

8 Jan 2002: A group dance by some of the girls

8 Jan 2002:  Boys who cannot walk dancing while seated

8 Jan 2002: A drama performed by some of the girls

Above all, Ali was happy just to be with the children, whom she loved with a mother's passion, and who called her "Mummy Alison."

8 Jan 2002:  Ali with many of the children

Jan 2002:  Ali with Lakshmi, Nagalakshmi and Anuradha

Jan 2002:  Ali with Santhi and Parvati